The Art of Falling in Love, Pt. 1
Or at least according to the movies…
I’m a single lady. Without diving too deep into the “why’s” (that’s a whole book in of itself), we’ll leave it with the genuine statement that I have embraced this season of blessed singleness and would be open to sharing my life with someone in the future.
I don’t think I’m going to find him online. Online dating has worked for many a friend and family member. They were able to share intimate parts of themselves with perfect strangers and make the very brave decision to then meet that stranger out in public, despite the inevitability that the first meeting would be awkward and uncomfortable. I truly admire all of them for putting themselves out there. And some of them even found love.
I did not. I found a whole lot of weird that made me want to purchase a cave on my own private island and live happily away from all humans for the rest of my life. (I dream of this often. At times it can be my happy place, imagining a world of quiet and calm where people aren’t cutting me off in traffic, and I don’t want to kick someone very hard in the shin for leaving their shopping cart sitting randomly in the parking lot to roll into my car instead of putting it in the corral like a responsible member of society. Yes. Just the sound of the waves from my little cave. Sigh.)
Perhaps my picker is broken. Perhaps I allowed my expectations to be too high. Perhaps I didn’t give it enough time for normal men to find my profile page. I’m sure there is a lengthy list of “perhaps”, but after a couple of years dabbling in the online dating world, I made the right decision for me. I canceled my subscriptions.
The tipping point was a young man who claimed to live in my town. There were no immediate red flags on his profile, and our first communications with one another actually went pretty well. We exchanged pleasantries, asked the usual “get to know you” questions, and enjoyed a bit of witty banter back and forth.
And then this nice man asked if I was interested in meeting face-to-face. “Don’t worry,” he said, “I’m not a serial killer. I’m a nice guy. My mommy tells me so.”
That was the last time I communicated with this particular gentleman. Finding love is hard. It’s not really for the faint of heart. And while I truly believe that there are kind, thoughtful, funny, and ambitious single men populating the world, I hesitate to believe that they use “serial killer” and “mommy” in the same sentence in which they are asking a woman out on a date.
We can debate whether or not he was trying to be cute and charming until the cows come home. (Actually, I’d be VERY interested in participating in a conversation that includes the consideration of defining his invitation as flirting. Another “perhaps” in that maybe I have been defining that concept wrong my entire life.) But part of falling in love means following your gut, and my gut told me to get out of Dodge.
I am not without hope though. So until that one fine day, I’ll amuse myself with fun finding-love anecdotes from the movies — a very important rite in this journey we call adulthood.
Part 1: It Happened One Night
If black and white movies from the golden age of Hollywood aren’t your thing, this movie might not be for you. But if you love stellar acting, genius dialogue, and pure sweetness, you should at least give it a try. Here’s why…
It starts out with a father basically kidnapping his daughter to get her away from the man she eloped with against his wishes (The father’s wishes, not the groom’s. That would be an interesting movie though, wouldn’t it?). The family has oodles of money (of which Daddy Andrews is convinced King Westley has his eye on), so naturally he holds her hostage on a yacht just off the coast of Florida. Ellie, having none of it, determined to get back to King, jumps off the boat and swims ashore. Our girl jumped off a boat! Loved her right away.
On shore (completely dry and in new clothes…curious), she convinces a sweet older lady to buy her a bus ticket to New York City. That’s where she meets Peter Warne, a newspaper journalist who just got in a nasty fight with his editor over the phone and now finds himself between jobs. Peter keeps an eye out for Ellie who he quickly determines is not wise to the world and lacks just about all common sense. It doesn’t take long for the intrepid journalist to discover that he is escorting an heiress north and decides to take advantage of the situation. Not her…the situation. BIG difference. (Enter the Wall of Jericho, a modesty divider made with a rope and sheet that protects Ellie’s innocence along the way). Peter will get her safely to King Westley if she agrees to give him the scoop.
Pennyless, and terrified that her father will find her before she can make it home, Ellie agrees to his proposition, and the two journey on together encountering flat tires, hitchhiking, carrots, and thieves. They also argue. Incessantly. Ellie is a brat, Peter has a cold heart. And then something starts to happen. Peter starts to see that Ellie is a capable, thoughtful young woman who just needs to see more of the world. And Ellie starts to melt the grumpy heart of a weathered working man who has been so obsessed with his job that he hasn’t started a life. And then they argue some more. And more. And we, as the audience, know that all of that arguing is actually flirtation not so deftly disguised.
Which leads us to our lesson on adulthood and falling in love. If we learn nothing else from romantic comedies, let it be this — if you find yourself yelling at, picking on, or snarking toward another, single, individual, there’s a very good chance you are actually in love with them. At least according to the movies. (This includes, but is not limited to, Anna and Declan in Leap Year, Lucy and George in Two Week’s Notice, Kathleen and Joe in You’ve Got Mail, Audrey and Daniel in Laws of Attraction, Beatrice and Benedict in Much Ado About Nothing, and Jan and Brad in Pillow Talk.)
You can deny it all you want, but the heart wants what it wants. Apparently two grown humans can’t communicate well enough to share that they have feelings for one another. Pent up lust is just thinly veiled disgust in disguise.
A closer glimpse at the arguing may reveal that what you really might be looking for is someone who challenges you, forces you to be your best self. Someone who doesn’t let you settle and keeps you on your toes. So don’t dismiss the jerk at work just yet (unless they are a chauvinist — then please report them to H.R. and go about your merry way). Deep down, they might just be trying to tell you that they like you through what they imagine to be witty banter and playful teasing. You know, just like when the boy would pull your hair on the swings and then try to kiss you under the slide in Elementary School. Perhaps we need to sneak in a quick conversation about consent…
One day, when you both realize that you have feelings for one another, grab a trumpet and knock down the Wall of Jericho like Peter and Ellie. And then commence with the arguing.
- Nothing…I just haven’t been in the mood this past week.
- A Thousand Ships by Natalie Haynes
- We Could Be Heroes by Mike Chen
- Roy Clark on vinyl
- Unraveled : The Long Island Serial Killer podcast
